It was written
by the old phib
Summary: Some people says you can't absolutely forget your first love and I believe it's true, but what about life gives you the chance to live it again when you think it is definitely gone?
1. Chapter 1

"Please, say you love me back..."

Santana suddenly woke up gasping in her empty double bed, completely sweaty and breathless. For a handful of seconds she staid simply freezed there, sit on that soft mattress under a pair of creased brown silk sheets and she tried to breath, only breath, _c'mon stupid fucking woman, breath, just breath, it's not so complicated, breath, yes, yes, like this, right like this, breath, thread some air inside your lungs and then pull it outside, perfect, perfect, nothing happened, nothing, keep calm, keep calm. Ok. Ok._

A few minutes after, the panic attack finally ended; she definetely learned how to control them, that awareness gave its help to relax her more, she was proud of herself, _years and years of useless fucking therapy and then one day just a little stupid memory of her past "Breath, honey, just breath...", damn try it!_ she had told to herself and that was the secret. That was and now she could keep control on her damn panic attacks. Honey. She had used to call her like this. Brit. Yes. Her Brit. How many years had damn passed. How many. But she had been her first love and the first love never goes out of your heart, never goes, 'cause the first love belongs there, belongs there 'til death. There was that extremely realistic nightmare that had deeply shaked her just before, that could prove it, there was that shy smile that spontaneusly rose on her face every single time she reminded her laughes, her looks, her hugs, her kisses. Tons of times it happened to Santana to wonder where Brit was, to wonder what she was doing, to wonder if maybe she sometimes thought about her. _Her. What a stupid thing to think! Brit didn't probably neither remeber her exsistance! Years were passed, life was passed...life. Yes. Life. She had to think about her life, she had to sleep, heavy fucking day tomorrow, heavy fucking day tomorrow..._

The alarm finally rang, the woman automatically turned it off, she didn't sleep anymore after that dream so she was tired, very tired, it was seven o'clock in the morning and she was already tired. _Good. One of the most beautiful monday moring of her life. C'mon. C'mon. She had to go to work before, work, work, yes, work...a rapid shower, make up, dress, a professional brown tailleur would fit well, the mirror agreed, the skirt standed out her perfect ass and the mustard colored shirt emphatized her breasts...then a coffee, no, damn, more, more coffee, brushing teeth, lipstick, hair, a pair of high heels, the bag, ok, ready to go. Ready to go._ The morning ran fast, she couldn't concentrate on the job, she couldn't, her mind was miles and miles away from there, she said yes, she said no, she pretended all the time to hear all those stupid talks, she was pretty good in the art of pretending, _'cause her thoughts, her fucking thoughts were so far away, 'cause she spent every single second of her morning thinking about her coming afternoon, her fucking coming afternoon._ And then it came. Fortunately it was fast, very fast, fast but not unpainful, _fast like doing a sign, no, two signs, her sign and her husband's sign, no, her ex-husband sign, ex from that moment, from that two fucking signs on their divorce documents. It's over so._ Really over. When she put her lawyer's pen on the empty large table and she looked beside the man who she had married, she felt only sad...sad, empty, empty like that table, lonely...sad...but suddenly the man greeted and with a polite smile went out of the room, out of her life, it was in that exact moment that Santana began to feel cheered up, cheered up, free and foolishly happy, it was in that exact moment, when the door slowly closed, that she realized that was the best decision she had always taken in her whole life.

A fast look at her gold o'clock, ten to four, a smile rose above her handsome face, she had to go to take home her baby that finished her first day of school, she was so sorry she couldn't brought her to school that morning, but the little girl was with her father and so she missed it. No choice anyway.

* * *

><p>"Hi, my honey baby!" she said when she saw the little browned hair girl run toward to her and jump into her arms with a huge smile printed on her sweety face.<p>

"Hi, mamy! I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, hon! But tell me! How was your first day of school?"

"I'm very happy, mamy!"

"I see, I see, hon! And I'm so happy too! But tell me everything! I wanna details!" Santana said printing a huge kiss-snap on the forehead of her lovely daughter and putting her down, then, while the little girl started to talk, she took her little hand and brought her to the car.

* * *

><p>"Mama! My first dance lesson!" yelled then the baby a few minutes after they arrived home.<p>

"Shit! Oh, shit! Damn, forget those bad words, hon...the lesson! The lesson, yes! You're right! Buuut...yes, we're still in time, catch your bag and...c'mon, c'mon my honey baby!" she answered rapidly laughing with the girl and searching in her bag the key of her car.

Fortunately yes, they were in time, she drave fast, _maybe a bit too fast, details, the important thing was that they arrived in time, yes...damn, what a long day..._

"Go, Joey, go! Reach the other girls and have fun! I'll wait for you right here!" said when they're in the gym, pushing gently her little Josephine on the back.

"See you soon, mamy!"

_How damn much she loved that little baby, she had never been able to imagine herself so madly fallen in love with a child, her love for her daughter was simply absolute, simply complete, simply pure and innocent right like a first love. A first love. A first love..._

"Sorry!" shouted then a long blonded hair tall woman after she hurted Santana's shoulder running gracefully to the gym where a dozen of six/seven years old girls were still waiting for their dance teacher to come.

"What the hell..." Santana started, but the woman was already far away from her, continuing to run towards to the girls until she arrived at destination, then she dropped down her bag and put her hands on her knees, Santana couldn't see nothing except for her back but imagined she was searching to take some deep breaths after the run. _That stupid dance teacher is just a huge bitch, damn! My poor fucking shoulder! After the lesson I've got something to tell her! Damn... _

She sat down with a sigh and, as always when she extraordinarly had a little time, she started to think: she thought about her marriage...she thought about where she had been wrong whit that stuff...she thought probably she simply hadn't loved her husband enough...she thought she couldn't love anyone since she's always so angry...then she thought why, why she was alway so angry, she was angry with the entire world,_ the entire world, except for her little Joey obviously, she would be completely lost without her, simply lost...lost...lost...lost and lonely...she was lonely...except for her honey baby obviously, but...but...it's completely different. Completely. She was lonely and broken-hearted. That was the truth. That was because she was always angry with the entire wolrd except for the only person that can make her feel important, yes, yes, her honey baby, her "pequenha". But she needed, she strongly needed something...something she had had...something she had lost...lost so much time ago...something called love, true love...she needed someone who love her, right her, her, not her money or her success or her hot ass, just...her...just her...only her...maybe too little...maybe she was too little...and she had to accept the fact. The fact that she didn't deserve love, maybe beacuse in her life she wasn't been able to share enough love to the world, so love couldn't go back to her. She truly loved just a few persons: she loved her parents, she loved her honey baby and she loved Brit..._

"Mamy!" then she heard shouting happily a few steps from her legs and suddenly her light thoughts bursted like soap bubbles.

"Honey baby! Come here! Then?" she questioned the baby picking her up and making her sit on her knees.

"You won't ever believe me, but guess how the teacher's called!"

"I really don't know, hon. How is she called?"

"She's called Britney Spearse!" yelled then laughing the little Joey.

"Really?" Santana answered laughing with her, but then a little thought began to jump into her mind: "_Britney Spearse" or maybe "Brittany S. Pirce"..."Brittany S. Pirce"...Brit...her Brit...but what a foolish thought! Stupid, stupid woman! That is impossible! Impossible...foolish..._

"C'mon, mama! I'll introduce her to you, she's funny! C'mon!" the baby started to shout pulling the woman's sleeve until she stand up with a smile.

"Comin'!" she said when the baby began to run towards to the gym. The teacher was already turned back to Santana who stood aside with Joey waiting for the teacher to end to talk with another mother. _But maybe...really maybe...no...no, no, no...foolish, foolish...but...don't know...maybe...something familiar...those blonde hairs...that high figure...that athletic body...that wonderful ass... _She had to fight the strong tentation...

"Santana?" she was only able to hear when the teacher turned herself towards to her, while she was still looking at her ass, so she looked fastly up. She felt her body freeze and then burn, but she couldn't, she absolutely couldn't talk. Then finally just a strangled whisper:

"...Brit?"


	2. Chapter 2

Santana couldn't absolutely move.

"Oh, my God!" Brittany continued without being able to look with her surprised deep blue eyes away from the handsome face of her old love, but Santana couldn't neither hear to her words, 'cause she was such in a state of deep shock that she felt right like her mind was wrapped into a layer of cotton wool that prevented her to understand _what the hell was going on in that moment...don't know...she felt like she was drunk, but...hard to explain...she felt drunk, but not in the "cheerful and unhinibited drunk-phase", rather in that phase you feel only screwed up and dull and overwhelmed by dizziness and...you know...quite like this._ But when finally she began to really physically feel that dizzy sensation, through her blurred vision she saw Brit come closer to her spreading her arms. _No...no...no...too much..._ she began to think while like in a slow motion she continued to see the dance teacher coming closer and closer but she couldn't move..._she couldn't move...she didn't want to move...she didn't..._

And then she felt it. She felt it clear, she felt it strong, she felt it like a warm wave of relaxing sweetness and tenderness, she felt it in the exact moment she perceived her gentle but determined arms wrap her freezed body, in the exact moment she felt the touch of Brit's tonic body, light before, but closer and closer, in the exact moment she smelled the essence of her sweet shampoo melted with the one of her t-shirt freshly laundered and the parfume of her body cream and the one of her skin..._her skin...oh, God...it's incredible...incredible how perfectly Santana remembered the scent of her skin...she was pretty sure she would remeber also its taste...how much she wanted in that exact moment, in that exact crazy moment kiss her neck, softly brush with her lips her velvety and parfumed skin, gently touch its surface only with the top of her tongue...just to recall...just to recall how sweet and pleasant it was..._Santana tried to breath deeply, but her hartbeat, her hartbeat that seemed to escape in a furious run didn't give her its permission..._it was...it was crazy in a manner, crazy how fast her heart beated, crazy, simply crazy, she could almost feel her heart jumping out of her chest and...and she didn't want, she didn't absolutely want behave like this, like a foolish stupid don't neither know kinda what...like a foolish...like a stupid...like a...God...oh, God...time had stopped...time had stopped...and all that she wanted, all that she could think, all that filled her mind was that she wolud have given anything, anything like anything just to taste her skin...but she couldn't...she couldn't...so she started to imagine, imagine her tongue move slow and discreet on her sweet skin...imagine her mouth just for fun nibble her ear lobe... _suddenly her body started to burn. _She didn't know how it could be possible, how damn it could be possible for her to feel like that after all those fucking years were passed...she was a woman...she was an adult woman with a family and a daughter and a wrong marriage behind her shoulders, a woman that had seen so much life pass in front of her tired look, a woman that couldn't, couldn't feel like a...like a...a lost girl...a lost girl...that's the truth...that's how she felt...she felt like a lost lonely sad broken-hearted girl who just met again the pair of arms in which she so strongly wanted to abandon, the pair of arms which she really, even if after all those fucking years, knew she belong to...it...it...it was a kind of overwhelming mixture of breathless excitement and innocent love and sexual attraction and... _

"Do ya know her yet? Do ya know her yet, mama?" started to shout happily the little Joey pulling Santana's skirt and fortunately turning off her mother's thrill, but Santana couldn't move, yet; Brittany did it in her place, Santana suddenly felt her body getting cold, but at least this unpleasant sensation gave her back her voice, so she cleared her throat and strongly hoping no one realized how shaked she was she began to talk:

"She...she...i-is...yes. Yes, honey, she...she was...uhm...she...she was my...my...my best friend when we...we...we were at the high school." she could finally say, then she took a deep breath and tried to smile in the direction of her little daughter, then she turned her look towards to Brittany who was kinda contempling her face..._don't know what Santana saw in her sweet blue eyes...maybe surprise and tenderness and...don't know...some kinda sense of protection...and...love? Maybe...maybe...maybe she was mistaken...maybe it was just a recall...maybe...maybe a bit of disappointment to the words "best friend"? Don't know...don't know...strange curiose look...strange curiose sweet tender wonderful magnetic look...her eyes...her blue eyes...don't know...she had always been able to read into that sincere eyes but in that exact moment she couldn't, she absolutely couldn't do that, even if understanding Brit's feelings and thoughts was the only thing she really wanted...understand and kiss the skin of her whole hot body...implied._

The dance teacher continued to look at her without saying any word, Santana's thoughts multiplied inside her head and probably time wasn't really running as it seemed to her, but the situation began to be heavy for the woman, heavy 'cause the sensation that seconds were inexorably passing near them without anyone of them could talk made her feel incredibly under pressure and as if that were not enough there was that storm, that overwhelming storm she felt inside her mind and her body.

She wasn't stupid. She had undestood it since Brit's arms had left her eager body. It had suddenly been clear into her mind. Just put two and two. _That sweetest sensation of completeness...she could remind it without any kinda doubt...that feeling of freedom and security and protection that make you really breath...like you don't have to fear anylong 'cause there's someone watching your back and defending you all the evil in the world...you know...when you perceive her gentle touch and that's enough to make you believe you're not alone in the dark, she's always near to you...believe it's all right just 'cause she's here, here with you and she deeply cares about you...that is called love. True love._ And Santana knew that so perfectly. She had suddenly understood it. _But then...but then...don't know...there's more...there's so much more...there's that fire the woman felt running through her veins, that aching pleasure, that sincere yearning, that irresistible and uncontrollable desire to touch and kiss and taste and bite and...and...Brit could still left her no respite...no respite._

"God..." Brittany repeted then finally shaking slightly her head with a funny smile, "So this honey baby is your honey baby?" continued without neither trying to stop smiling.

Santana semeed to recover and return to self:

"Yes." she simply replied, then caressed the little head of her daughter giving her a sweety look, then returned to fix her always a bit sad brown eyes into the blue ones of her old love, "I'm so much glad to see you." she resumed, "You can't imagine how much."

Brit answered with a gentle giggle:

"Trust me I can. I definetely can."

Santana with extreme difficulty forced herself to hold one of her appreciation expressions, she had already exposed enough for that day, she was damn pretty sure Brit had already clearly understood not only how much but also in what way she was glad to see her.

"Sooo...what are you doing here?" Santana continued looking at her with tenderness and curiosity.

"Dance teaching?" she replied with a sly smile, "I'm just joking. Well, do ya remember that friend of my mother who was a dance teach..."

"Mamaaa..." began then to murmur the little Joey, "Mamyy..." she started to repeat several times pulling her mother's sleeve.

"One moment, hon. I'm...I'm talking..."

"Mamyyy...I'm hungry." she whispered then believing her teacher couldn't hear.

"Wait just for a second, hon, c'mon, c'mo..."

"It doesn't matter." Brittany interrupted them then with a polite smile, "It doesn't matter. You can go, it's rude making the stomach waiting, isn't it?" continued turning then to the baby who was a bit embarrassed she had heard her.

Santana began to reply, but Brit was faster:

"We can have a cooffee one of these days. If you want, obvioulsy. But if you...yes. I would like it."

For a handful of seconds Santana was seized by surprise, but then a sincere huge simle rose on her face:

"And if I relaunch with a lunch tomorrow?"

"A lunch tomorrow sounds perfectly. I give you my number." she replied while Santana began to feel crazyly victorious, but she could still hold herself a bit, _just enough to avoid jumps and screams of joyfulness...not suiutable for a woman like her._

"Bye, miss teacher!" Joey yelled when she and her mother started to the car.

"See you tomorrow." Santana said with her deep sensual voice turning back with a smile.

"Bye, honey baby!" Brit answered then and a few seconds after, almost hoping she could't no longer hear, "And see you tomorrow, honey." 


	3. Chapter 3

Seconds were rythmically ticking on the old big clock her grandma had left her a couple of months before she had dead, that since that moment had always been holding on the empty wall over the headboard of her double bed..._sometimes the far noise of some cars on the street...a horn...two horns...a crash? No...no...no crashes...no crashes...only silence...a deep wrapping total relaxing silence..._but Santana couldn't sleep, yet.

Longing her light hand upon her mobile phone that was laying in charge on her bedside table she checked what time it was: half past 2 a.m. _Fuck... Santana totally hated to not be able to fall asleep, it was a thing that really irritated her nerves, but her mind was so much full that night...so much full. She absolutely had to empty it, she had to take all those confusing and stirring and exciting thoughts that prevented her the chance to sleep and put them...don't know...somewhere...somewhere safe...somewhere anyone else except for herself could find them...somewhere like the first drawer of her bedside table for example and...yes...yes...the drawer...the drawer where some weeks ago she had put that bottle of Vodka...maybe a little drop...maybe it would help her to relax._

Without neither turning the light on she opened the drawer and closed her fingers around the cold glass neck of the bottle, she perfectly remembered the day she had bought it: it had been the first Saturday her little Joey had slept with the father, she and her husband had argued, surely as always for a foolish reason, and then she had found herself lonely and sad and...and...and she had bought it, she had drunk an half of it and then she had put it inside that drawer..._yes, she had put it inside that 'cause one day when her little baby was three she had found a bottle of Gin and thinking it had been water had drunk it...Santana could still perfectly recall the run to the hospital and all the fear and the concerns and...the drawer of her bedside table was surely the safest place._ She slowly brought the bottle to her lips and started to sip the drink feeling it pleasantly burning her throat.

A few minutes after she began to feel hotter and so she discovered her already a bit sweaty body pulling the sheets away, but that wasn't enough, so she sat down on the soft mattress and she took off her silk night gown..._eventually she hadn't got a fucking dick of a husband more, so she couldn't understand the reason why she continued to dress that hot stuff since she hadn't to be sexy for anyone._ Finally she felt better and so she laid again on the bed dressing only her lace black underwear and deeply breathing, then she tried to close her brown open wide eyes and sleep...finally sleep...

The woman was lying on her side with her knees bended under her belly, right like she unconscioulsy wanted to protect herself and move away from the rest of the world, when she perceived someone else body sitting down near her back on the edge of the mattress, making the bed cracking, but she was so tired, so deeply tired and relaxed that she couldn't neither open her eyes. Then she felt a pleasant tiny blast along the skin of her shoulders, a light fresh hand moving kindly her long brown hairs from her cheek and at the end a gentle tender soft kiss on her temple.

That discreet kiss was so incredibly sweet that almost without neither be aware about it she finally slowly opened her eyelids and turned a bit her head in the direction from where that wonderful kiss had come, she turned a bit her head just to be able to see her Brit looking at her with a smile and the most tender completely full of sincere love expression the woman had ever seen.

"Hi, honey." the blonde said with a sweety whisper like she didn't want to disturb her well-earned rest, caressing Santana's head and gently putting her hair behind her ear.

"Hi." Santana answered smiling a bit confuse, "But how the hell were you be able to come insid..."

"Sssshhh..." Brit whispered again pressing her index on the full lips of Santana, "It doesn't care. It totally doesn't care." she ended, then she took off her leather brown jacket: she was wearing a strapless tight short cream coloured dress that was modeled on her perfect body and that let bared the major part of her thighs and that then went up even more, when she get on the bed kneeling straddle Santana's body..._Santana's body...oh, God...Santana's body was in fire...completely in fire...the woman couldn't move while the only thing that was jumping inside her mind, that was getting crazy, was "C'mon hands, c'mon fucking stupid hands, tear Brit's dress off!"_

Brit started coming closer and closer to her face, Santana's heart was bursting inside her chest and Brit's mouth was closer and closer and closer...closer until finally their lips met, they only brushed before, but then the two women opened in sync a bit their mouths and then closed their lips one on the other..._Santana perfectly remembered how much they were warm, how much they were soft, how much they tasted of strawberry like her lipstick...but she wanted to taste more...she wanted to taste her truest flavor..._so she opened her mouth a bit again and with the top of her tongue she politely knocked on Brit's lips asking for permission. _Just in a while, just the second their tongues touched each other and began to slowly move in sync tons and tons of memory started to turning her head, but...don't know...that crazy dizziness...don't know...the result was so madly wonderful...Santana could feel all the room turning around her, all the walls and the ornaments and that old clock that was hanging on their head, all, all...all except for Brittany._

While their tongues were still funny playing the woman began to feel more brave and daring..._more Santana...Brit had always been the only person able to make her lose her courage...but not this time. She had to take advantage. She definitely had to._ So she returned to self, her hands finally began to move again, so she lead them to the back of Brit's tights, she tightened them almost lightly screeching her velvety skin with her nails and slowly caressing it began to get up and slide under her dress until she reached the bottom of her ass..._oh, God...how much fucking years were passed since the last time she had touched her wonderful perfect hard tonic ass...how much..._

Brit then started to sweetly kiss her neck, with the lips before, with the top of her tongue then almost drawing little pictures on it and while Santana felt hot chills running through her whole body she tried to stop the frenzy of her hands leading them slowly but decisively to the zip of Brit's dress, that in a moment was thrown on the ground. She hadn't neither the time to stop admiring her hot body wearing only her lance hazel coloured underwear that Brit slid her gentle but strong hands under her back and opened with an only perfect movement of her fingers Santana's black bra throwing then it away with all the grace she could give to that act and at the end she started again to kiss the skin of her neck moving downer and downer to her breasts. Santana spontaneously arched her back almost to get closer to the other's lips that finally began to move along and around her chest until her mouth reached a nipple, her soft lips surrounded it and then she started to brush it with the top of her tongue...

It was in that exact overwhelming moment that her damn fucking alarm rang breaking in pieces that wonderful dream. Santana woke up gasping, completely sweaty and breathless but this time the cause wasn't definitely the fear.

"Fuck!" the woman silently swore to avoid to make her little baby waking up. "Fuck! Damn fucking dick of an alarm! Fuck, fuck, fuck!"


	4. Chapter 4

There are moments in your life when you stop and insulate yourself from your life's whirlwind, for a while you only look at yourself from the outside and then you ask to yourself "But what the hell are you doing?". Because sometimes we aren't just brave enough, we are lazy or we don't simply think enough about what we really are and what we really want, don't we? And so we inexorably continue to do something we don't really love to do, something we do just to please someone else or something one time maybe we loved but that's not just for us more. It was that morning, that Tuesday morning Santana experienced something like this.

She finally got up without being able to stop swearing in the direction of her damn alarm, she went to her wardrobe, thoughtfully caught one of her professional tailleurs and yes...yes...that was the moment...exactly when she closed her light hand around the crutch of that tailleur.

"But what the hell are you doing?" she said almost aloud. Then she put it down and she sat again on her bed beginning to think, losing her deep look through her room's window.

_In that exact moment she thought about how many years were passed since the last time she had done something just because she had wanted to...don't know...it's like...like she had lost her braveness...she...don't know...no, no...she was sure...sure, sure...she had been brave...she was the fucking Santana Lopez! She was the fucking brave bitch of Santana Lopez! Where the hell had her braveness gone? She...she was afraid...she was always afraid...afraid of everything...in that moment she thought she hadn't probably had neither the courage to leave her husband if only she hadn't grasped in the act while the asshole was fucking that whore of his partner of his law firm...she had understood he had had a relationship from months, but...yes...she wasn't absolutely proud of herself...and thinking about it again she began to feel only disgusted by herself...disgusted...really disgusted...but stop. Stop, damn, stop. Ok, she had been wrong. Absolutely wrong. But fortunately somehow her marriage had ended and now she finally understood she had the chance to start again. Start again. She would try to find again her braveness, 'cause she was sure, sure that there still was somewhere inside her. She was the fucking Santana Lopez! She had her lovely honey baby, she was still young, she was still fucking hot, she had all the money she needed and even more, she had a wonderful house, she had a wonderful fucking job and yes...she had the chance to live again the way she wanted to! _

_So she went again to her wardrobe, but this time she didn't direct her hand to a fucking taillueur, no, fuck! She was still 32 years old, holy christ, not 60! Why the hell did she have to dress like her grandma? She was really good in her job and her bosses hadn't chosen right her because of her tailleurs...she hated those fucking dick of tailleurs! She had to be particularly beautiful that day, beautiful and hot and Santana!_ She chose a pair of clear Marc Jacob jeans, a adherent black and brown top that left bared one shoulder, that old leather black jacket with the fringes on the back and a pair of simple dark brown high heels.

* * *

><p>"My honey baby...it's time to wake up..." she finally said to her little daughter when there was half past seven caressing and gently kissing her forehead, Joey murmured something in sleep, then she sweetly opened her brown eyes.<p>

"Hi, mamy...you're so beautiful today!"

"Oohhh, thank you...you're so sweety!" the woman answered kissing again the baby with a huge smile on the cheek this time.

"Dress always like this!" continued the baby jumping off her bed and running happily to the bathroom.

* * *

><p>After they had breakfast it was the time of the last touch-up, the woman went to the bathroom...<em>a bit of rimmel more...and...and then yes...yes...oh, yes...finally she recognized her...finally looking at the mirror she recognized her: that was again the real Santana Lopez. She was back. She was officially back.<em>

* * *

><p>That morning she collected several kinds of looks: surprised looks, admiring looks, lustful looks, envious looks, lustful looks...<em>lustful looks...lots of lustful looks...yes...maybe the looks were lustful for the major part...but the best look, the best look ever was her look. Brit's look. Oh, yes...yes...<em>'cause lustful and envious looks could make you feel better, feel beautiful, could be the best injection of self-esteem, but..._that look...that look by itself would be able to make Santana forget every kind of moodiness and concern...don't know...when the woman arrived at the table of the Italian restaurant where Brit was already waiting for her to come and they eyes met, Santana was overwhelmed and relieved at the same time by that wonderful look...don't know...it was like the blonde with that spontaneous look wanted to say "THIS is you.", "So you're still the woman I knew.", "So you're still the woman I fell in love with.", it was a look of approval...a look of recognition...a look of relief maybe. For a couple of seconds Santana feared to have only imagined it, like in a sort of extremely realistic dream or hope, but_...but then Brittany sincerely smiled in her direction:

"You look great, San."

"Thanks, but you're too kind..." answered the brunette sitting on her chair without stopping to fix her eyes deeply into that unforgettable look.

"No, that's just the truth. You're radiant today."

Santana didn't know what to say, she felt only burn like every single time she look at her, so she gently smiled and then, looking down to the menu, she found the courage to reply:

"You're very nice, too. Like always on the other hand."

For some moments only silence, but...somekind she could physically feel her smile.

"Sooo...wow...yesterday I was...totally shocked and...don't know...so much enthusiastic to see you! After all these years! You can't, you absolutely can't imagine how many times I thought about you in all these years!" Brit started again beginning to absently and maybe a bit nervously browse the menu too. Santana barely held the pure and child joyfulness that those few words had made born inside her still madly fallen in love heart:

"Trust me I can. I definitely can." she replied then she looked up to Brit who was smiling proud and satisfied in her direction.

The conversation continued pleasant and spontaneous.

"I absolutely love your baby! She's simply adorable! She's six, isn't she?"

"Yes, yes, yes...she...well...she is the most wonderful happening in my life. Yes, I can say it." Santana answered with a sweety smile, "I would be definitely lost without her."

"And...the father? Are you married or...?"

"Divorced." she simply said putting down her glass after she had drink a bit of black good wine.

Brit felt her body freeze thinking she had asked something too personal, inappropriate and embarrassing:

"Oh, I'm...I'm sorry, I didn't..."

"No, no, no...don't be. Don't worry. It...I...I...kinda walked pass, you know? It...don't misunderstand me, it..it was horrible, especially for Joey and...and...also for me...you can imagine...or maybe not 'cause..." for a couple of seconds she rested in silence fixing her eyes into Brittany's and trying to decide if she couldn't still trust in her.

"You don't have to...if you don't..." Brit interrupted then gracefully gesticulating almost she wanted to say "Don't worry, honey, I understand."

"I know, I know...but I want. I really want. It's just...it's not so simple to say...I think this is the first time I say it to someone exception for my layer, but he doesn't count. Well...I saw my husband while he was...betraying me with her job partner...job and not only...so it seems."

Brit's face turned to sad, she looked to Santana like she had perfectly understood and then she took her hand that was lying on the table, her sincere blue eyes suddenly veiled of tears.

"I can't absolutely imagine how much hard and horrible that moment was. How much I would had been there, there with you to hug you tight. No...you know what? I'm remedying now." she finished, then she came up and in two steps was near to Santana.

"Come here!" she continued and then spread her arms hugging her old friend.

Santana moved herself almost to tears.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." she began to say while they were still hugging, "This means a lot for me. It was...hard...yes...hard. Especially the fact I didn't have someone to tell about and...you know...confess...my feelings...my private feelings."

"But it...catching him in the act, I mean...it...it was the best thing." she continued when Brit sat again, "I think I otherwise didn't have the courage to leave him go, even if I perfectly knew our marriage had ended."

"Oh...c'mon...I can't believe it...you've always been so brave!" Brit interrupted. Santana for a while looked only into her blue eyes diving into them.

"Not always." she ended. Them both understood what she was trying to say without any need of other words.

"But you? Married, engaged, single...?" Santana asked then after they ended to eating the first course, "No, no, no! Let me guess!" she continued stopping her words with a gesture, "Well..married...no. Isn't it?"

"You're right." Brit answered.

"But..." she started again looking at her like she was trying to read the right answer into her face, "...you've a man...a man you've seen since long time ago...a man older than you, not so much, but...six/seven years? And...and he...he is a...a...businessman...divorced, but no sons." she ended then and started to look at her with waiting.

"I knew it." Brit answered seriously.

"What?"

"That you're just a fucking witch!" she ended laughing.

"Am I supposed to deduce from your compliment I guessed it right?" Santana asked pretending superiority and indifference but without being able not to laugh a bit.

"You fucking guessed all right! I confess: I'm a bit scared now! Well...I'm engaged with a man I've seen since six years ago, he's a manager of a company, he's 40, divorced but no sons. And, I confirm it, you're a fucking witch. That's all I have to say!"

Santana tried to smile and laugh and..._damn...it was so hard to hide her true feelings, 'cause what she felt in the exact moment the words "I'm engaged" had come out of her mouth were just astonishment, jealousy, disappointment...'cause yes, yes, she had imagined that she wasn't single and that even if she had been she couldn't have any chance to...you know...but...but...don't know...maybe for a while she had hoped so. And disillusion is always hard to face with._

"Do ya know I dreamt you tonight?" Brit said suddenly then. Santana nearly chocked drinking her wine, so then pretended to cough.

"Really? I...ehm...I dreamt you too. "

"Really?" Brit answered extremely surprised, "And what did it happen in your dream?"

Santana started to stammer cursing herself for being so stupid!

"Oh...ehm...we...we were...I was...and...I really don't remember it so well. You know...some...confused memories...there were you and me and...and...my husband...and...but yours?"

"Well...in my dream we were in my dance school but still wearing Cheerios' uniforms and we were talking about your daughter and our...our lives. And then you...well...you kinda...kiss me. So I woke up." the blonde ended lifting a bit her shoulders. _You kinda kiss me. Oh, God...Santana felt so good, so cheered up, so brave..._

"Nice dream. Aaand...tell me...I was still so good?" she asked with a voice extremely sensual and suggestive.

"Must say...yes. Yes. Very very good. Great kiss." Brit replied and then for a couple of seconds them both started again to eat diving in memories.

Too little time after Santana had to go, she had to return at work, so they got up and slowly walked to the exit.

"Tuesday you will meet the asshole." the brunette said.

"Who?"

"That fucking asshole of my ex-husband. He'll always bring Joey to your lessons 'cause I normally finish to work at 5 p.m. so he is the responsible for take her home or to you from school." the woman explained. Brit seemed very interested in.

"Good, good. I've right got something else I wanna remedy to." she concluded then nodding and kinda planning.

"Oook...I am scared now!" Santana answered laughing, "Scared but curios honestly." she ended smiling in her direction.

"I'm really really glad we met again." Brit whispered when they were on the footpath, tenderly and sincerely smiling.

"Me too."

For a couple of seconds they just looked into the other's eyes, then Santana finally spoke with her scathing and blown timbre that would make everyone melt:

"Sooo...see you Tuesday, Bri-Bri."

Brittany laughed happy and satisfied she had used that old nickname, then, turning back, this time aloud she replied:

"Bye, honey."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys!**

**Sorry this chapter took a bit of time, but, you know, university causes looots of commitments.**

**I take this opportunity to thank all the people that read my fanfic and all those leave me a feedback. Tell me what you don't like, what you like, what you would change…all that you can say help me to grow and improve.**

**Thank you again and enjoy the reading!**

**The old phib**

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><p>Santana quiet sat on the same chair where she had sat three days ago, it was almost the time...she cracked her neck and sighed...<em>that was the first moment of that day she could simply sit and relax...heavy heavy day...but fortunately it had ended...yes...<em>second sigh...then she turned her eyes to the gym and began to watch at Joey and Brit..._wow...it was...it was amazing...don't know...but the awareness to be able to simply stay sat and stare delighting her brown eyes at that sweet vision was amazing...simply amazing...'cause her honey baby and her Brit, now she knew that, were the most important persons of her life...that was the truth...she still madly loved Brittany...that was the damn fucking truth...she hadn't forgotten her...she could still feel the same kind of love that she had felt when they were so young and innocent...and no, no, no, it wasn't just a recall, it absolutely wasn't...she could know this because of the incredibly strength of that feeling...that feeling could still burn her body and her soul...Brit had still her heart in power...the woman could feel that...Brit had been, was and always will have been her biggest love, her soul mate, the woman of her life...in that moment this was incredibly clear to her...she could see the blonde laughing and talking to that dozen of little girls, moving slowly and gracefully her body to teach them her choreographies, watching them and checking them, and all Santana could think was how much she loved every single piece of her._

Suddenly Brit absently turned to her and saw her from a distance, so, noticing she was staring at her, she smiled and then turning to serious made a low bow in her direction, Santana burst into laughter and in response she pretended to raise her hat to her.

"Hi, mamyyy!" Joey yelled jumping into her arms a few minutes after, Brittany were following the little baby.

"Hi, San." she said with a sincere smile, Santana felt her body melting but then...then an only single idea began to push inside her brain still a bit confused by the vision of those wonderful blue eyes, an only foolish single idea..._okey, she was engaged and maybe it wasn't fair she looked at her in that way but...fuck off...Brit made her feel good and why the hell she would be supposed to think always about consequences and implications? All she wanted in that moment was to see her again and more and...fuck off...fuck off!_

"Bri-Bri..." she began with her hot voice, "...I was thinking...why don't you come over to dinner, maybe Saturday? My honey baby will be with her father and so I'll be all alone in that empty house."

"Give me just a moment!" Brit answered and then pulled out her mobile from her bag, turned back and started to talk, "Hi, Jackyyy...list...oh...ehm...yep! Did you try in the bath? Try, try...listen...uhm...do you care if we postpone our evening Saturday? Yep, 'cause, you know San, she invited me to...and so...yo...you're the best! See you later! By...yep...bye!" she ended, then she gracefully returned back to look at Santana who anticipated her:

"You hadn't to postpone your date just for..."

"Don't worry, honey! I've been going out with him from six years, sooo...you know how they say, too much breaks the bag! I' m just joking...no...seriously, I'm so so glad to come Saturday and he perfectly knows how much you mean for me, so he understands...", _how much you mean for me...so cute...Santana would wanna jump into her arms and kiss her lips until literally leave her breathless..._ "I've talked to him about you tons of times! He knows everything!" Brit concluded then with a huge smile.

"Everything like everything...?" Santana whispered a bit worried and confused.

"Well...you can say...almost everything." she answered with a little mischievous smile that made Santana melt for the millionth time, then she smiled her back.

"So I wait for you to come...half past 7 p.m.?"

"Perfect!"

It was 25 past 7 when the doorbell of Santana's house rang and she was still in her bathroom trying to do her best to look simply wonderful. The woman hadn't neither the time to open her mouth after she had opened the door...

"I didn't absolutely know what I was supposed to dress...something elegant, something more easy...so then I said to myself, _honey,_ yep, I call myself honey, _honey, this dress fits nice, it's okey, but maybe it's too much...really too much..._but then...something clicked...ta-daaah!" Brit began to say and then with her hands indicated her feet, Santana looked down and noticed a pair of the most damaged old sneakers she had ever seen in her whole life, "It's all more...more casual Friday like this! Even if today is not Friday, but...details...so?" she continued, then with an amazing grace she made a pirouette, her hair gently fly around her sincere clean face, "What do ya think 'bout it?"

Santana looked just into her blue eyes without being able to not smile to her, _that dress was wonderful on her perfect body, it strangely recalled her the dress she took off Brit in her dream...and in that moment she had to admit to herself that her feeling was exactly the same...and also that super-damaged shoes...don't know...they fitted well on her...everything fitted wonderful on her...and her long beautiful naked legs...oh, God...breath, Santana...breath...breath and let her come inside, you can't rip her dress off while all your neighbors are watching...breath..._

"I personally think you would be hot also wearing a pajamas with some reindeers that say hello on your chest...I correct indeed: you ARE hot also wearing a pajamas with some reindeers that say hello on your chest...talk from experience..."

"You mean girl! I loved that pajamas!" Brit interrupted her pretending to be mad at her. Them both started to laugh.

"Anyway you look wonderful." Santana concluded looking at her with protection and yearning at the same time, "Come in!"

It took more than half an hour to Santana to make her visit her house 'cause in every single place there were so much stories of the past that the two friend had spent apart to tell about. There was something after 8 o'clock when they finally sat at the table.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Brit said while Santana was bringing her glass to her lips, "We need to make a toast! Eh-eh-ehm!" she cleared her throat, "Well...to us, to our re-meeting, that I hope can be the re-start of something new..." she finished then and a huge smile rose above her handsome face.

_How much I love you,_ Santana just thought in her mind, _she couldn't, she absolutely couldn't say a thing like that...not yet anyway...maybe one day...yes...yes...one day she will have confess all that heavy stuff to her...it was in that exact moment she knew it...she couldn't lie to her Brit, even if she wanted...she couldn't...it wouldn't be...don't know...fair...it wouldn't be fair._ But for that moment she just kindly smiled too and made the toast.

"Did ya meet the fucking asshole then? My fucking asshole." Santana asked while they were finishing to eat the appetizer.

"Mmm...really excellent that prawns, San...mmm...excellent..." she answered, then she drunk a drop of wine and she clean her mouth with her napkin, "The asshole, you said...yep! I met him!" she concluded then rising her right hand like she wanted to say "Here!".

"Aaand...so? How did he seem to you?" the woman continued with waiting.

"Well...must say...handsome, yes...even if...you know...after our, don't know how we can call that, our meeting...collision..." she began to say with a mischievous expression.

"What? Collision?"

"An accidental, totally accidental collision!" Brit began to defend herself pretending to be serious. Santana incredulous started to smile:

"A totally accidental little revenge...?"

"If you wanna call it like that..." Brit answered opening her arms.

"Oh, God..." Santana said watching to her with a look full of all the immense love she felt for her in that moment, then she spontaneously took her hand that was on the table, for a while she just held it looking deeply into her blue eyes, then she brought it to her mouth and pressed her soft lips on her palm, "Thank you." she simply said then, hoping Brit understood all her eyes were saying.

"It was a pleasure, trust me!" she answered.

"So let enjoy me too, baby! Tell me!" Santana replied laughing and letting go her hand.

"Well...he was quietly and totally unknowingly sitting on a chair, he had just said bye to Joey, and, you know, I'm always late..." _always but not this evening,_ Santana proudly thought, "Sooo...I was running and totally totally accidentally I...kinda...pulled an elbow...into...yep...into his face...nose exactly..." she ended, then she rose her left elbow showing her a big ecchymosis.

"Oh, honey! Did ya hurt so much?" Santana worried said touching gently with her fingers her elbow.

"Don't worry! It's nothing! And...God...it was totally worth it...totally! His nose started to bleed and he started to curse and...God...it's so amusing!" she finished to explain and then she couldn't stop to laugh anymore.

The dinner went very well, they talked without any stop, laughing, unconsciously flirting and eating a wonderful escalope de veau San Juan and finally a piece of a cranberry cake, then, for the drink they moved to the living room, Brit sat on the sofa and waited Santana for reaching her with two glasses full of Vodka. After some drops Brit without neither realizing it, completely captured into the conversation, moved closer to Santana, she put her left arm on the brunette's shoulder, their skins touched and Santana's heart started to beat faster.

"Don't know..." Brittany began then looking into the wall in front of her, "Sometimes I think about Quinn, Mercedes, Tina, Puck and the others of Glee club and...I'm so sorry I lost them all...don't know...it's typical, I know, to lose old friends, I mean, but...don't know...maybe we would have to pay more attention to our relationships...it would be nice, I mean...don't know..." she ended, then she gracefully put her legs on Santana's who felt her body melting in the exact moment that those blue eyes stared at her waiting for her response. The woman thought for a little:

"I perfectly understand your feelings...yep...and if there's a thing I learnt in all these 32 years I spent on this strange world is that unfortunately you can't hope people that are really important to you stay with you if you don't hang on to them." she ended staring at her blue eyes. They then stared in silence for a long time. _Santana was in fire while she looked at her handsome face so damn closer to hers, she couldn't resist any longer more without pressing her lips on Brit's...she knew that...she perfectly knew that...she was so damn closer...her lips were so damn closer...about 14 years were passed since the last time she had moved her tongue inside her mouth...and now she was so closer...so damn closer...okey...okey...I can't stand it anymore, _she said to herself,_ if she doesn't talk in 5 seconds I'll kiss her. Decided...decided. 5...4...3...2...1..._

"I'm getting married in two weeks." Brit thrown out then. Santana's thrills suddenly froze.

"Wha...what? I mean, it's...it's...wow...wow..." she could just stammer.

"Yep...it's...yep...wow...but I...I wanna...would you be my made of honor?"


	6. Chapter 6

It was nearly 6 a.m. when Santana finally decided to get off her fucking bed, she had woke up since two hours ago and she hadn't been able to fall asleep again. She had a rapid shower, she dressed a black suitcase, a pair of light brown sneakers, she went to the kitchen, she made some coffee, then she brought it with some biscuits out, she sat at the table under the arcade and started to eat absently watching the dawn rising from a distance and trying to stop thinking. For some moments she reached the goal, but when the sun began to warmly shine its rays reminded her Brit, for a second she thought to be able to see her face into them, but then, when she began to feel the physical ache the awareness her love will have been of someone else for the rest of their lives caused into her chest, she forced herself to get up and after a rapid tidy she went out to make a walk.

_She was alone...alone with herself...alone...completely alone...alone while she was walking on that clean footpath...alone...aaalooone...alone while she was looking at the tree's leafs...alone while she was looking at her neighbor's houses...alone while she was looking at her neighbors walking beside her...her...her who was alone...alone without her honey baby...two days were nothing but she missed her so much...it's incredible...incredible how much she missed her little Josephine...she was alone...alone without the love of her life...Brit...Brit...her Brit...no...that fucking asshole of Jack's Brit...fuck off...fuck off...but the thing that she hated the most was that all, all that fucking stuff was herself damn fault! Her damn fault...'cause Brit had been her...Brit had been completely her...but she had let her go...go, go, yes, go...go...go away...go apart from her...she had been her...she had been in her fucking arms, but she had let her go...it would had been enough she had said a word...a single fucking word...yes...yes...and Brit would had been her forever...forever...but she had been nothing but a coward...she had been too afraid of looks and talks...what a fucking fool...she had lost the only true love of her life...regardless of how much she had hurt her...and now it's late...late to have Brit and maybe late also just to say her how much she was sorry for all the pain she had caused to her...a pain that she hadn't ever deserved...ever ever deserved..._

Slowly a little tear brighted on her cheek. She incredulous touched her skin..._how many years had passed since the last time she had cried...how many...and now she was crying again...she was crying for Brittany...she was crying for her mistakes...for her mistakes she couldn't fix anymore..._she sat on the footpath and lots of tears started to chase one after each other on her handsome face..._she had lost her...she had lost her because of her fucking cowardice and now, now that she had amazingly met her again she couldn't do anything...she couldn't 'cause she was engaged...'cause she will have getting married in two fucking weeks...'cause she was her fucking made of honor...fuck off...fuck off..._

A tons of seconds after tears finally ended, she sighed and dried her face with her hand. It was only then she noticed a crowded group of people walking down the street. In that moment she realized to be near the church of her neighborhood's parish, the celebration had just ended, for a couple of moments she only stared at the people who was walking, but then she got up and without any apparent reason decided to enter in the empty church.

It was since she didn't neither remember when, she hadn't gone inside a church..._don't know...churches always scared her a bit...maybe some bad recalls from her childhood...who can say...she walked slowly and silently looking around herself like she was waiting for something to happen...but nothing...nothing...only silence...silence and the sunshine that shyly entered from the big stained glass windows...silence...good...now you can breath, Santana...don't worry...don't worry...she went and sat on the first left pew, she looked around one more time...good...just her...just her and the silence...good...her body finally relaxed..._she took a deep breath and then began to stare at the big cross that was in front of her. A few minutes after she unconsciously started to talk:

"There's people call you God, isn't it? There's people call you Allah...there's people call you destiny...there's people say all it's just random...right?" she paused then, "Well...I don't really really know if you exist, but if it's so and you're listenin' to me now, I wanna just tell you you're really really pissing me off."

Then, before she could continue, a discreet cough made her literally jump on the pew, she looked on her left just to see a young reverend staring at her and hiding a little smile.

"Reverend...good morning...you...God...you scared me!" the woman said in her defense.

"I'm sorry. Not my intention." he smiled, "May I help you?" he ended then sitting on her pew.

Santana thought a little, then answered:

"I don't think so. It's...kinda...between He and me." she pause, "Even if said like this it seems just a bullshit..."

"No, no, no. Why are u saying a thing like that? I'm sure it's not a bullshit...tell me...let me understand." he interrupted her then looking into her eyes with an air that was serious but kind at the same time.

Santana was indecisive, but then she thought she hadn't to say him really all no choice.

"Well, reverend..."

"Call me Mike." he interrupted her with his firm deep voice.

"Okey...Mike...well...uhm...don't know...it's like I feel myself...kinda...fucked around...He fucks me around." Santana began pointing in front of her with a nod, he didn't say anything, just waited, it's kinda he knew inside her mind that the woman didn't really stop and so it was, "When I was young I fell in love. It was my first love. And I was reciprocated, but...don't know...I was afraid, totally afraid because of all those feelings that I was terrified to show...and so I fucked all the stuff up...and until a couple of days ago I've thought I lost this person forever." she continued, then she turned to the reverend like as she wanted to make certain that he was following the thread, he nodded, "But then, after 14 years, I met this person again...I was...totally...shocked and happy and grateful and...and...you must believe in me, it took half a second, half a second for me to be completely aware I hadn't really ever stop to love h...this person, I mean...I perfectly understood this person actually is the love of my life. A look, Mike, a single look was enough for me...and since that moment the only thought that has been jumping in my mind is that I would give everything, everything just to feel again her breath on my skin...everything...everything..." she ended, then she looked for a handful of seconds in front of her, "But this person's gettin' married two weeks from now and if it's not enough I'm also involved in the ceremony. In the fucking ceremony." she finished, then she turned to the reverend who was carefully listening.

"Wow..." he said simply, then nodded, "This is totally not a bullshit." he concluded staying without words. Santana opened her arms in response like she would say "There, I told you so!" and for a while they both stayed in silence, then the man suddenly asked:

"And what do ya think to do?"

Santana didn't expect a question like that, she sighed:

"You are the reverend...you keep the answers...you should tell me."

The man smiled a little and put his hand on her.

"Listen..."

"Santana."

"Listen, Santana. I haven't got any answer to give to you, but I've faith, I've faith in lots of things, I've faith in God, I've faith in people and most of all I've faith in love." he said before Santana had the time to lift her eyes, "And so all I can say to you now is that I think, I personally think that love, true love finds its way, even if there's tons and tons of hurdles between you and the other person. If yours is really true love, if you and this other person knew to need each other, well, so you will find the right way." he ended then. The woman thought for a few.

"Mike, tell me the truth, please. Do you really really think what are you saying to me?"

He stared at her for a while, then he took both her hands.

"Every single word."

Santana nodded.

"Thank u, Mike." she said low looking into his eyes. It was the first time she had talked with a reverend and she really didn't know if she believe in God, but that words, that simple and maybe discounted words were for her right like a breath of fresh air for her lungs tired for all that crying and suffering. He kindly smiled and so, really sure he had understood how much she was grateful for their talk, she got up.

She was near the exit when she heard again his voice.

"Santana!"

She turned back.

"I think you should...kinda...open your heart."

She stared at him who was walking into the rectory without speaking. She wasn't sure she understood.

"I mean you should tell her what you feel." he ended and then he vanished behind the door.

"Her? But how the hell do ya...?" she began to ask, but once again in that empty church she found herself alone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi, guys, **

**please please please forgive me for my huge delay, I've got some familiar problems and, you know, family comes the first...**

**Sorry, sorry and sorry again...**

**I hope you enjoy the reading!**

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><p>"<em>Open your heart"...damn...she knew that...she perfectly knew that...she had to open her heart...she had to finally find the courage that in her past she hadn't looked for enough and confess to Brit her true feelings...not that secretly she had any hope, this had to be clear, but...don't know...the truth...that was the best thing to do...sure, Brit had probably loved her in the past...no...Brit had surely loved her in the past, but lots of fucking years were passed and she was in love...and not with her...and that fucking asshole of Jack wasn't afraid to show her his love...to show her his feelings...and that, that was the award...Brit's heart...Brit's heart was in his hands...in his fucking hands...Santana had owned it...but it hadn't been her stuff anymore...it definitely hadn't bee...<em>

"Miss Lopez...miss Lopez!"

"Uhm...uh...yep! Tell me. I was...it was just...never mind...tell me."

"I was just asking you if you finally like the last arrangement...they are kinda pressing me and I would know what I have to tell them..." her secretary finished then staring at her with waiting.

"Oh...yep...the arrangement...I...I'm not satisfied yet. The bridge, CJ, the problem is the bridge. Tell them...tell them they have to work on the bridge...the rest is very good." the woman said with her low hot voice, the man stared at her with a look that clearly revealed his strong desire to take Santana and slam her on the table. "CJ..." she continued then because of his silence, "CJ..." she repeated and snapped her fingers near to her chest where the look of the man was directed.

"Yep...I'm sorry...I...I...am...was..." he started to stammer.

"Never mind. Understood?"

"Yep. The bridge. Thank ya, miss Lopez, and...uh...sorry for..."

"Go." she interrupted him smiling briefly then watched the man go out of her door. _Hot ass...yep...hot right like Brit's...oh, God...she couldn't avoid to think about her...she couldn't...she was in love, holy Christ...she was in love like a stupid teenager...Brittany...she closed her eyes and started to imagine her figure come inside her office instead of CJ...she would have locked the door...she would have come closer to her...she would have kiss her on her lips...yeah...they would have been fresh...fresh like she had just drunk something cold...a cold Coke...she would have tasted like that...she would have knocked with her tongue on her ajar mouth...slowly she would have open it a bit, just to make the top of their tongues touch...she would have played bolder and bolder with her sweet fresh mouth...she would have kiss her neck making circles with her tongue...she would have started to unbutton her jeans without stopping to gently suck the skin of her neck...she would have put her kind but strong hand under her black slip...she would have slowly en..._

The rang of her mobile abruptly interrupted her fantasy. Brit...the woman unconsciously started to mischievously smile..._if only you know what was I thinking about..._

"Hi, hon. Bride emergency here. I need ur help. Shopping evening tomorrow? 5 p.m.? Bri-Bri"

"I was right thinking 'bout u, babe. Tomorrow at 5's perfect. Hope ur day woke up good. Kisses. Hon" she replied, then put her cellphone on the table and started again to work without waiting any answer, but a couple of minutes later it rang again making her jump on the chair.

"I missed u so much.", Santana smiled.

"I missed u too, babe. I thought 'bout u tons and tons of times in these years."

"U could seek me."

"U're perfectly right. I was afraid u were mad at me, I was afraid to tell u what I still felt."

"And what did u feel?", Santana sighed.

"I was in love with u, Bri-Bri.", _I am in love with u, Bri-Bri..._

"I was in love with u too, hon." _Was...damn...fuck off..._

"...how much wonderful sex wasted..." the woman replied to play down and crossing her fingers hoping she would still like her irony she waited.

"Holy words...and now we're old and we've lost our cheerleading elasticity!"

"I have, but not u! I saw u moving in the gym and damn ur ass is definitely still hot, babe!"

"Then thank u...must say u're definitely still damn fuckable..." Santana laughed a little because of that expression.

"Then thank u, miss hot ass..."

"U're welcome, miss fuckable..."

"See u tomorrow, Bri-Bri."

"Kisses!"

_The problem, dick, the problem was it all sounded wrong..they were flirting...they were clearly and openly flirting...they couldn't avoid it...and then Santana had to help her Brit with her wedding...she was fucking in love with her! How the hell was she supposed to help the woman she loved marrying someone else? It was...it was totally wrong! Fuck off...fuck off...and what could she do? What damn could she do? Not help her? That possibility was excluded...she would have hurt Brit saying no and she finally was happy to spend more time cheating and flirting with the love of her life...chance number two: confess her herself true feelings hoping Brit to find out she hadn't ever stopped loving her too and to break the wedding? That also was a huge bullshit...Brit was surely in love with that Jack, she was nearly to marry him, dick, so she definitely love him...the only chance Santana had was the blonde loved her more than him...and that was impossible...she knew that...okey, okey, Brit had been in love with her, she had also told her so, but...had been...that was the problem...love ends...no saying how much a bitch Santana had been with her...14 years...don't forget the longest 14 years...fuck off...fuck off...Brit loved her...fuck off...she had been able to make Brit fall in love with her...with her...her...and what if...maybe...maybe she could do it again...make Brit fall in love with her one more time...one more time..._

"Sometimes life goes back to make us go on." she rapidly wrote on her cellphone, then she selected Brit's number and send it. For a couple of minutes she waited nail biting without neither pretend to do something else. Then finally it rang again:

"The only question is re we able to take the chance?"

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><p>"Ready?" Brittany thrilled the day after when Santana opened her door, she smiled tenderly then closed it back.<p>

"Yep! Let's go on my car!"

"Your car?"

"...worried?" Santana answered, then them both started to laugh while they went on her black Range Rover.

"Well...where can I bring ya to, madam?"

"Well, miss driver, our first stage will be: wedding dress!" Brit said with a smile, Santana professionally nodded and then started the engine.

In a moment they were at that huge shop Brittany indicated, she went in the dressing room with the dress she had previously tried and a couple of minutes after came out of there. Wow...Santana was totally fascinated by the brightness of the woman that was in front of her...her dress was wonderful...it was cream colored, strapless right to highlight her beautiful shoulders, her blonde hair softly laid on them, her perfect décolleté, the perfect figure of her tonic body framed and embellished by that wonderful dress that was sober and elegant right as Santana liked to see her. For an instant she imagined to be the lucky one, but then she came back to reality.

"So? What do ya think 'bout it?"

Santana kidnapped watched her a bit more without saying any word.

"You're...you're wonderful...simply wonderful..." she could only say, because her mind was totally full of her, full of her genuine beauty, full of her sincere deep look, full of Santana's strong and suppressed desire to stand up and run to kiss that lips that were so cutely smiling at her..._how much I would be the lucky one...how much I wanna you, she would say...but she couldn't...she absolutely couldn't..._

"Really?" Brit replied, then turned around, "'Cause...do ya see? Do ya see right here? It...kinda...don't know...it...it pulls a little right...right here..." she continued touching a point on her hip.

"Uhm...yeah...but...stand erect." the woman answered, Brit obeyed, "Like I was thinking. It's perfect. It pulls only if ya turn your back, babe, don't worry! You're all-beautiful. The most beautiful bride in the world." she ended, then smiled, "And I don't say it 'cause it must be said, ya know me, I'm not the gentle kind of person. When I was just born I said to the midwife she was fat!"

Them both started to laugh.

"But to me you've always been different." Brit said then looking at her with tenderness.

"It's impossible to be mean with ya. You are unicorn." The brunette whispered losing herself into her blue eyes. The blonde smiled, ran besides Santana and kissed her on the cheek, then, without saying any word, turned back and vanished into the dressing room.

* * *

><p>When Santana knew their next and last stage she would prefer to die...<em>she would prefer a long painful death after a infinite series of unspeakable suffering...she would have done everything, everything like everything, but not that...don't know...making herself slap...jumping from a skyscraper without any parachute...cutting her veins...but not, not that...<em>when they entered into the shop she would have escaped, cried, screamed...

"Hi! May I help you?" the shop assistant asked them.

"Hi!" Brit answered with a huge smile, "We are look for my first wedding night lingerie.", it was terrible for Santana to hear that sentence again.

"Sure! Follow me!" the girl answered happily and started to walk. She showed to the two women tons and tons of lingerie..._literally tons and tons and then...yeah...damnit..._Brit had to try them..._holy shit.._the blonde entered in the dress room, the girl left them alone and Santana started to pray Brit would have decided rapidly and possibly without asking her any, any kind of advice or opinion..._yeah...yeah...it...it was possible...wasn't it? Brit would have tried the first outfit, she would have loved it and she wouldn't have had the need to show her her wonderful hot body dressed only with a skimpy sexy incredibly ho..._

"What do ya think 'bout it?" she heard Brit saying while she was drawing away the curtain.

Santana stayed freezed. The physical effort to stay sat down and avoid to take her love on the hips, slam her on the wall and begin to kiss the whole surface of her body inch by inch was incredible, it required a huge soul strength that only the training of years and years lived hiding to the rest of the world and most of all to the woman she loved her true feelings had been shaped. She was wearing a cream colored lingerie, quite like her wedding dress, that color perfectly suited with her clear but wonderful skin..._it was so sexy...but not vulgar...a bit of lace on the side...her breasts were perfectly enhanced...Brazilian panties that...oh, God...no need to say how perfectly her wonderful ass suited that pair of panties..._

"Hon...hon..." Brit started to repeat staring at her.

"Uhm...uh...yeah...sorry I was...just...just...uhm...uh...well...well..." the woman slammer without being able to distract her attention from her perfect, slim but muscular belly, "Oh, God..." she whispered, then she put her head into her hands and favoured by not having to look at her too much naked body, "I think that that color looks wonderful with your skin." she simply said.

"Oookey, but...I don't personally think Jack will mind 'bout the color...what 'bout, ya know, what, what Jack minds...?"

Santana deeply breathed.

"You're definitely hot with it. Definitely, absolutely, completely, decidedly, incontrovertibly hot." she answered and then she looked up with an expression that underlined all the deep sadness that the consciousness too soon she would have lost her love for ever made suddenly fall on her heart.

"Is it all okey?" Brit asked her extremely worried by her gloomy face.

"I was...just thinking 'bout...'bout the fact that...you and...and me and...I mean tha..."

"Oh, my God that's perfect!" a shrill voice interrupted her words, the shop assistant was back.


	8. Chapter 8

_What do ya do if one of your livin' reasons is about to pass the whole rest of its life with someone that is simply not you? What the hell do ya do? What, what if any single time you look at it ya see the reason go away, away from you, away from your heart, from your soul, from your arms, from your love, your heartbreaking love, your heartbroken love? What, what if every single time ya think about it, about her, you imagine his, his fucking arms, his fucking love, his fucking soul, his fucking heart? If ya think about him and his fucking hands running on her skin, loosing her bra, touching her breasts, getting under her panties and...and...and...God...God...she was her stuff...her, her fucking stuff and he wasn't supposed to...to...to...God..._

"C'mon, hon! Dance with me!" the blonde, _her, her sweety blonde_ interrupted her sad thoughts. Santana stood up near the bar sipping the third Vodka of the evening and staring at her with the expression of someone that was waiting for receive a punch in the stomach: it was the hen party.

_The fuckin' hen party came faster than anything, it came the fastest without Santana could find what to do...you know...maybe it's when there's nothing to do...nothing that is completely right to do...maybe it happens for everything...every important thing...did ya notice that, right? Important things aren't ever easy...there's always something can go wrong and it's when the wrong is too much or when there's too much at stake that ya can't decide what to do...you can't 'cause you're afraid...afraid to lose everything, afraid to hurt someone you love, afraid to err everything..._

"C'mon!" Brit yelled again smiling with sincerity without stopping to perfectly move her body a couple of meters away from her.

Santana stared at her for a handful of seconds more, _she couldn't, she absolutely couldn't moving away her eyes from the woman she loved more than herself, she looked at her, at her deep blue eyes, at her long blonde hair, at her perfect body transported by the musical notes that undisciplined flew around her and merged with her soul...don't know...it's like, like the music came right inside her and crossing the fibers of her body jumbled up with her true nature...she belonged to the music...she was the music...the notes and her were made by the same material...they were both...both kind of magic..._

Brit invited her once more this time with an only gesture of her hands, _Santana wanted to reach her and dance with her, softly touch her skin and feel her body under her light hands...God...how much, how madly, how strongly she wanted...but she couldn't...it wasn't kinda appropriated...or maybe safe...don't know...she had drunk and her intentions were so incredibly far away from even the only idea to stop drinking more and so...she couldn't...she...she...that...that would be too difficult, too difficult to stay so close to her, so drunk and so close...no...it was excluded...she couldn't..._

With her right hand the woman made a sign to postpone her proposal, then she tried to smile and when she saw Brit turning back hiding a disappointed expression she ordered another Vodka.

They were in L.A., Santana organized everything, she perfectly knew how much Brit wanted to visit L.A., she had always wanted and a couple of days before she had confess her she hadn't ever gone there and so one only second had been enough to Santana to plan into her mind the surprise. _The only idea of the hen party made her vomit but the chance was perfect, it would have made her Bri-Bri the happiest and that, that was enough for her...to see a smile on her face...on her handsome face...yeah...and that's all...it was Saturday night, the fucking marriage will have been the next Saturday and they were, yeah, kinda party...fuck off...fuck off..._

"Honeyyyyyy! How's there?" Brit said half an hour after reaching Santana that hadn't moved from there and hugging her strongly.

_In that exact moment the woman would have preferred to die, she wanted only cry along on her Brit's shoulder telling her how madly she loved her and how much the idea to lose her made her feel bad...it was like...like...you know...like all the happiness left her poor creased heart, her poor creased heart that wanted only to be cradled into her strong arms... _

"Now totally, totally fine, baby." she only answered with her low voice, then she tried to smile and turning to the barman made him pour her another glass.

"This is number...?" the blonde asked her then glancing at the clear liquid.

"Uhm...kinda...six? Six...yeah..." she whispered then with a voice that as the time and the quantity of alcohol inside her body raise up became sexier and sexier. _Santana wanted her, she wanted her so badly...please, Brit, go away...go away, away from my eyes...please...she would have begged her on her knees, on her fucking knees..._

"Six? Take it easy, honey, or we will..."

"Brit!" a ginger girl yelled then surprising the blonde behind her back and making her shout out loud. She was Mary Ann, another friend of Brit that had joined the two during the journey, like Beth and Lily, that followed the first a moment after, "We're totally dead! I don't know, maybe all this, ya know, dancing and drinking and...God! Do ya mind if we go to bed? So that we're ready for tomorrow! Right giiirls?"

Brittany smiled amused, "Sure! We'll go to bed too in a bit. Good night, guys! Sleep weel!"

"Pour, man." Brit heard Santana saying to the barman who caught the bottle of Vodka and executed the order for the seventh time.

"Honey! Stop drinking or I'll bring you in my arms to the hotel!" the blonde said to Santana and with a tug dragged her away from the bar.

"But...but...the last! The...the...okey. Okey! Okey! Comin'! I can walk by myself! Bri-Bri! Please! I...I promise...I promise you I...I...let me...let me go...my...my arm, Bri-Bri, honey, baby...my...oh, thank ya...my poor arm!" Santana ended then when they were out of the bar and the blonde let her arm go. For a couple of seconds the woman had to lean against the wall to avoid to fall on the ground because of her head turning around. Then she looked up just to cross her blue eyes and it was in that moment that an only lonely tear started to cross Santana's cheek.

"Honey...what happen?" Brittany answered her worried.

"Nothing. Nothing. Don't worry. Come here and hug me." Santana whispered and then she tighten hard her arms around her body.

"Why are you crying before?" Brit continued a handful of minutes after, when they entered into their room and closed the door behind their back.

Santana sat on their bed and stared at her for a bit with a sad face, then it was like she felt all that six Vodkas heating her body and melting her pain that transformed itself in tears again. She hid her face with her hands but couldn't avoid to sob. Brit ran to her and hugged her tight.

"C'mon, honey, don't do like this. Tell me, hon, tell me everything. Everything. C'mon. Open your heart, open your heart to me."

"Fuck off! Fuck off..." Santana sobbed.

"...to me?" Brit asked perplexed.

"No, no, no, no. Totally, totally no. Fuck off to him. Him. Damnit..."

"He who?"

"He, He, He. The High, the Omniscient, the Almighty."

"...ya mean...God?"

"Yeah...it's personal. Now it's officially personal."

"San, I...I...maybe you drunk too much and now ya..."

"No! No! It's fuckin' personal! It's fuckin' personal now!"

"Okey, okey, okey...ssshhh...take it easy...take it easy..." Brit interrupted her and unconsciously started to rock her. Some minutes after Santana dried her tears and began to stare at her with her deep eyes, they stayed like this for an eternity, then Santana closed her eyes:

"I love you." she said without looking at her, she breathed only for a bit and then she resumed, "I love you, Bri-Bri, I love you like I loved you when I was young, I've never stopped, I love your smile, I love your eyes, I love your soul, I love the way you look at me when I make you tenderness, I love the way you laugh when I say something you find amusing, I love the way you move a bit your head closing your eyes when you hear some music, I love your body, I love your smartness, I love your protectiveness, I love see you dancing, I love see you explaining me your thoughts, I love see you hugging me. I love you, Bri-Bri, I love you with all my stupid heart, with all my old soul, with all my tired body. I love you." she ended and then seeming a bit worried she opened her eyes again a little at a time, like she was afraid of what she would have found in front of her.

Brittany was crying in silence staring at her, so she reached her cheek with her hand and dried the tears from her face, Brittany bended her head on the side and caressed her hand with herself. They started at each other for a long long time, _then Santana felt it strong, Santana felt it clearly, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the staying there so close to her, maybe it was the consciousness now the truth had been said...maybe who cares_...she kissed her.

The world stopped. The world incredibly stopped. That was the sensation. She felt only her lips, her soft lips, her sweet lips, her unforgettable lips. All the rest might collapse all around them that the woman would neither noticed it. She was kissing her. _She was fucking kissing her._ The contact of their lips was an explosion of feelings, a colored firework, a storm of completeness. Her tongue gently knocked onto them just to let Brit decide and then them touched, they were first shy, but bolder and bolder playing a game them both had dreamt a billion time.

But then Santana stopped and separated herself from the blonde staring at her like she wanted to ask her if she really wanted it too. Brittany looked into her eyes and right when a new tear began to cross her face she came closer to Santana one more time and kissed her. In a moment they were lied on the mattress, Santana stayed above but Brittany was the first to start getting the other's clothes off and suddenly the Latina found herself wearing only her black underwear. She started to kiss her neck softly before, but deeper and deeper making circles with her tongue on her salty skin while she started to unbutton her jeans: the blonde was wearing a pair of hazel panties that recalled the ones she had bought for her first night..._who cares_...she put her decisive hand under it and gently entered inside her. _Don't know...it was like...like she was born to do that...it was all so natural...all so automatic...to remember it was enough...seconds were ticking on the o'clock and recalls of what she liked came into her mind with the simplicity of a something she had always done...how much she loved that woman...how much she loved to make her happy...she was born to make her happy...she was born to feel her hands tightened around her back, her nails softly scratch her skin for the pleasure..._

"Come here." Brittany said when they lied one near the other under the sheet and hugged her tight kissing her on the forehead, "I dreamt a billion time about you, now I can dream with you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi, guys!**

**This is my last chapter, I hope you liked this fic and I'm waiting for any kind of comment!**

**Enjoy the reading!**

**the old phib**

* * *

><p>"Dear my hon,<p>

So much time passed since the last time I've told you that, but I won't write it. I wanna tell you. I've too much feelings now, I'm sorry, I know it's not fair, but I can't stay, I've to clean my mind. I'm sure you'll understand. Thank you for everything, thank you for being you.

Bri-Bri"

_A card...an only card lying on the pillow where a couple of hours before the blonde had dreamt 'bout a life that wasn't hers...a card...a card saying goodbye...a card saying I don't know...a card saying I love you but I can't...a card saying sorry..._

_One week...one week...and then the wedding will have come...Santana couldn't wake up, Santana didn't want to wake up...the woman wanted only stay there, there under that sheet that had shared with her, with her love...that night...oh, God...that night would have been unforgettable...the best night of her whole life...the best...totally...don't know...it's like...like...to have sex is always funny, but to have sex with the one you love the most is wonderful, indescribable, unforgettable..._

"I've to clean my mind"..._damn...she understood...yeah...she completely understood, even if...don't know...naively she had hoped that...that after that night all the stuff would have been clear...yeah...but...no...she...she understood...she understood...she totally understood..._

For a couple of minutes she pulled the sheet over her head and stayed like that, like that thin piece of cloth could protect her from the pain...for the billionth time in that days she started to cry...she cried, she cried, she cried...she cried 'till even the last tear fall on the mattress...then she cleaned her beautiful face, she took her mobile and she called her little Joey.

She was well, her father brought her to the zoo that morning and the little baby was so excited to see all that strange animals...but yeah, yeah, she missed her mama...dad said hi...and see you soon mamy!

_Oh, God...thank you for give me her..._

A knock on the door interrupted her grateful thoughts.

"Comin'!"

The two friends of Brit were waiting behind the door.

"Morning, San! Hear me, Brit had to leave. She said you were sleeping so deeply and tenderly she didn't want to wake you up. She's very very sorry and...so...she's gone. If you want to join us we'll go out for breakfast and then we'll make a walk before the taxi arrives to bring us to the airport."

_She's gone...she's gone...she's gone..._

"Uh...mmm...well...I...I...I...I don't feel very well, you know, a bit of...headache and...yeah...you know...so...I think I'll stay here a couple of hours again. But thank you and...yeah...uh...see you soon."

"Oookey...I'm sorry for your head, San...think only 'bout resting! See you soon!"

For the after three hours she stayed sat on the bed with her mobile in her hands trying to decide if she was supposed to call her..._she wanted to call her...she wanted to hear her voice, to hear her thoughts, even confusing and maybe painful and...she wanted to know...to know what there's on her mind...but it wasn't fair...she knew that...it wasn't...Brit had asked her time...time to think, time to clean her mind, time to fix all the stuff...and she had to give it to her...she had to...and she knew it..._

_Damn...one week...one stupid fuckin' week...and then she will have been married...she loved Jack...right? She loved him...if she had decided to say yes she loved him...but she loved her too...right? Don't know...maybe...don't know...they had slept together...one week before the wedding...what did that mean? Santana kissed her first...maybe Brit didn't want to...and...and...no...she wanted it...she wanted her...but she wanted him too...fuck off...fuck off..._

* * *

><p>Santana never liked hypocrisy, but as the smart person she'd always been she had understood since she was a child that was a reality you would inevitably before or after face with in the course of your life and so she had learnt how to live with it and sometimes take advantage of its benefits. <em>She was a fuckin' bitch and she was proud of that, but then...but then there's Brit...and all was fuckin' different talking 'bout her...all her certainly, all her outlines, all her plans, all, all her stuff was totally fucked up...maybe that happens when you fall in love with someone...when you madly fall in love with someone...God...God...the day came...the fuckin' day came...<em>Brit had never called her during that week, an only message the day before:

"I'm very sorry, I'm terrible, I know, this is too much big for me. I'm thinkin', I'm fuckin' thinkin', I'm tryin' to do my best. I hope one day you can forgive me for what I'm doin' to you. I'll try hardest to make you forgive me. I promise."

It had took Santana two hours that morning, _that fuckin' morning_ to be ready for the wedding. _She was the fuckin' made of honor, she had to be beautiful, very beautiful, she had to be perfect, but sober and simple, that was Brit's day, not hers, the bride had to shine, the made of honor had to see the bride to the altar, nothing more. Damn...she wanted to be on that altar with her...she wanted to marry her...but she couldn't...he won...he will have married her...fuck off...fuck off..._

A last look to the mirror..._good job_...she wore a wonderful tight strapless dark brown dress that fitted her perfectly...a pair of high heels...light make-up...natural hairstyle..._God...she would prefer to die...but she had to go...c'mon...c'mon..._

Twenty minutes, only twenty minutes and she's there. She closed her eyes, she took a deep breath and she knocked at the door where Brit was wearing.

"Come!" she heard saying by someone wasn't her love and so slowly opened the door. In the room there're the two friend of Brit and her mother.

"Hi, San! She was in the bath, she's going to wear the dress! I'm so excited!" the ginger yelled clapping hands, Santana tried to smile, the result wasn't one of her best, the smile seemed a bit forced, but then Brit emerged behind a door in front of them, she was still wearing her daily clothes, but with the make-up the much has been done and so she was so incredibly beaming. Santana and her stared at each other for a long time, there're so much feelings in that look, so much sorry, so much worries, so much unspoken love, so much pain, so much indecision...so much...maybe too much for an only look...

"C'mon, Brit! Wear the dress, I can't wait anymore!" the ginger screamed again before Santana or Brittany had the time to say something and all the excitement and the confusion of the "too less hours before the wedding" in a moment involved all the women in the room so that the two couldn't even touch each other hand.

She was wonderful. The most beautiful bride in the world. _How much Santana would have wanted to be the chosen one...how much..._for a couple of seconds Brit looked herself in the mirror while the women around her looking at her smiled and couldn't avoid to explain their admiration. But then Brit crossed once more her eyes into Santana's whom look was reflected in to the mirror.

"Girls, I thank you so much for all your support. You're wonderful, wonderful." Brittany said continuing to look into the mirror, "See you in a while." she finished, Mary Ann hugged her for the billionth time and then all the women started to walk toward the door.

"San!" she restarted, the brunette turned around totally lifted to hear her name from her lips, "Can you stay, please?"

"Surely." the woman answered with a little smile. A couple of seconds after they were alone.

"I'm sorry." the blonde said and then suddenly a tear streamed down her face.

"Don't be. And don't cry. It hurts me." the woman said and then walked toward her and hugged her, but Brit gracefully pushed her a bit away, she looked straight into her brown deep eyes and then she started to talk:

"I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you and I can't imagine a life without you. I can't. I understood that. I can't. But...but...Jack was...and I can't...I..." she started then to stammer.

"Sssshhh. Breath, honey, just breath. Breath. Try it."

A handful of minutes after the blonde loosened up, Santana sat near her with an arm around her shoulders.

"I thought, San, I thought 'bout it all this time and there's only one thing to do. Can u please call Jack here?"

"What? Jack? Here? But you and...the dress...he can't see..."

"Please, honey."

"But..."

"Please."

"Okey." Santana answered, then stood up and vanished behind the door.

"But I can't see the dress before..."

"C'mon! Please! Don't discuss!" Brit heard saying behind the door that in a moment opened again.

"Brit, but what the hell...?" the man began to yell when he was in the room.

"Jack...Jack, please, open your eyes. Please. I need you open your eyes. Jackyyy...c'mon. Okey. Thank you. Well, I've a favour to ask you. Can you please kiss me?"

The request casted a chill over the room. He didn't absolutely understood the reason of that, Santana didn't absolutely understood the reason but was also perplexed and annoyed Brit had asked to him a thing like that in front of her. _Why had she to watch something hurt her? Why the hell? _

"But why...?"

"Please, Jack. Just do it." Brit answered, the man didn't want to discuss and so performed the order. _Santana felt herself dying._

"Thank you, Jack."

"Never mind. But...but why the hell...it doesn't matter. I love you, Brit. See you soon!" he said and then walked out of the door.

Santana stayed frozen there with the expression of someone had just received a punch in the stomach:

"Are you mad? Why the hell did you do me a thing like that?"

"Kiss me, please." she answered.

"What?"

"Kiss me." Brittany repeated.

"But you have just..." Santana began to yell, but the blonde was faster, she ran towards to her and in a moment leaned her lips on hers. Santana melted, she was angry with her, but...but...but...oh, God...her kisses...the brunette made up her mind and opened her mouth...their tongues touched once again...her mouth was soft and sweet...sweet like her...she was sweet and her taste was the one Santana liked the most...they couldn't break apart...they couldn't end that perfect kiss...their tongues continued to play one with the other bolder and bolder...Brittany pulled Santana against the wall and began to kiss her neck making circles with her tongue...her hands ran to the zip of her brown dress that in a moment was on the ground, then the bra...her mouth went closer to her chest while she put her right hand under her brown panties...at the same moment she entered into her and with the tongue began to make circles around her nipple...Santana couldn't retain herself no more and began to softly moan Brit's name...

"Brit!" a teasing voice yelled then behind the door, "It's time!"

Santana terrified caught her bra from the ground again panting for the pleasure.

"Uh...comin'!" Brittany yelled trying to tidy herself up, then she turned to the woman, she rapidly kissed her on the lips and then she whispered:

"Meet me in half an hour in the garden on the back." And then she just ran across the door.

* * *

><p>That half an hour lasted an infinity according to Santana. She stayed sat there in the room hearing only the silence of the air and recalling that previous wonderful kiss. What the hell did she mean? "Meet me in half an hour in the garden on the back." Why? Why the hell? Finally the half passed. She stood up and she walked towards the garden. She was terrified and excited and perplexed and...she wanted to see her. She wanted to see her. And it happened. The garden was empty, empty exception for a beautiful blonde woman wearing a too much creased wedding dress with the elbows on a wall looking for the horizon.<p>

"What a coincidence seeing you here." Santana whispered arranging near her. Brittany turned her clean face to her and tenderly smiled.

"Unexpected meetings are the best, aren't they?" she answered, then she held her hand, she turned serious and re-started, "I tried to imagine how it will have been if I'll have married someone is not you, I tried to imagine my days without you, my nights without you, my dreams without you, I tried to imagine to have sex with someone is not you, I tried to imagine to have breakfast every morning with someone is not you, I tried to imagine to call at work and make angry someone is not you. And I couldn't. I love you, Santana, I love you like I've never loved anyone else and I wanna stay with you, I wanna live my life with you, I wanna make you happy, I wanna see you when I wake up, I wanna hear you whisper my name when we have sex, I wanna give you my heart, my soul and everything I have. Do you wanna take them?" she ended then and she stared at her with a look full of all the deep love she felt for her.

Santana started to cry, then she smiled and softly kissed her on the lips.

"You've always been everything I need..."


End file.
